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Ever feel that doing the right thing to please others is costing you more than it should? Here’s your dilemma.  You want to do your own thing, but you also want to be accepted. You want to “fit in”. You want to do the right things so that you can be successful at your chosen goal – whether that be a high-flying corporate business broker, a self employed entrepreneur, a punk-rocker, or a circus clown.  Although, chances are you are an entrepreneurial spirit and doing your own thing comes with the territory. 

Sometimes our problem isn’t that we don’t have what it takes to be a successful X, Y or Z, but that we have not taken control of our own lives and destinations.  We are surrounded by people who cannot or will not support and encourage us to do it.  They plant doubts in our minds so that we end up doubting ourselves and thinking our dreams are silly. After all, they know what is best for us, right?  Wrong. 

Then we do our best to “fit in” and please others by doing what they expect of us or want us to do.  They use manipulative guilt games to persuade us to do things that please and make sense for them… but leave us dull and empty… wondering, “Is this all there is?” and “Why aren’t I happy?” 

Have you noticed the same people who would advise you to do as other people do because that is “the norm” and expected by society, are the same people who would chastise you for copying others with comments like “… and if they decided to jump off the roof, would you do the same?”   

When you are under peer pressure and family pressure and societal pressure to conform and be what they expect you to be, and deep down your spirit is screaming to do and be something different, it makes for a lonely, miserable existence.  And that is not why you are here on this earth.  And it just might be that those nay-sayers around you need to learn the lesson you can teach them as much as you need to learn it for yourself. 

You owe it not only to yourself but to everyone around you to “march to the beat of your own drum”.  You can release others from their own prisons by showing them how to do it and lead by example.  When you realize you can do this and be free and happy and fulfilled and that the sun will still come up the next day, your choice hasn’t created any tsunamis, and your family will still speak to you even if they don’t approve, then you can breathe freely and know you’re on the right track. 

Provided you aren’t breaking any laws, you don’t need other people’s approval or permission to live your life the way you believe it should be lived.  How worse off might we all be if Beethoven’s parents insisted he become a baker instead or a musician, or if Louis Pasteur had been pressured to become a shoemaker instead of a biologist and chemist?  The world is a better place because they did follow the beat of their own drum. 

This conditioning to live a certain way to please others starts when we are very young and are easily influenced by our parents and teachers.  This influence becomes our comfort zone.  It is doing that which is pleasing to others and earns us our pats on the back.  At a young age, being different and doing things our own way is frowned upon and we grow up trying to live within the confines of our parent’s and teachers’ ideas of what is right for us and society, and then we become young adults and they go and change the rules on us. 

Suddenly, we’re told that yes, while we must conform, acknowledge the conventions, and “toe the line” to fit in with society, we shouldn’t be “copy cats” and life rewards the courageous few who dare to step outside the square, be true to themselves, and have a go.  What a conundrum! That’s a bit like asking you to stop and go at the same time. 

It takes more than courage to follow the beat of your own drum… it takes faith and belief… in yourself.  Constant criticism and lack of support from those whose opinions we trust and respect has a similar effect as waves on a rock… it erodes who we are… it destroys our essence… it makes us less of who we used to be and could have been.  And that’s not why we came here. 

If the world were full of only plumbers or people selling whats-its, what a boring, useless, dysfunctional world it would be. You not only owe it to yourself to follow the beat of your own drum, you owe it to the world… because the world doesn’t need more plumbers of whats-its sellers… it needs you. 

Realize that people hold us back for many reasons and while some of them may believe they do it for our own good, most of the time they are misguided.  People hold us back out of fear; their own fear. They don’t want to see us fail and suffer.  Then again, some don’t want us to succeed because then they will feel like failures by comparison, while others suffer tunnel vision and believe that because they couldn’t do it, neither could you. Yet, look around… the world is full of people doing what “can’t be done”. 

You came to earth as a unique being with a unique path to follow.  You must do things your way.  If that means being different, then so be it.  Maybe you will be the next Louis Pasteur… or the next Bill Gates… or the next Madonna… or the next President, and if you don’t quite reach those dizzy heights, you will definitely be among the stars enjoying the fruits of your labor, instead of some sad, sorry, wannabe who lives in the land of “if only”. 

Stop worrying about what other people think about you and what you should be doing. In life, one size does not fit all and you don’t have to try and fit into somebody else’s shoes, only your own.  Often the people who find this lesson the hardest to learn are parents. But remember, it is their lesson, not yours.  You can thank them for their opinions and concern but let them know you are just fine and doing what is right for you.  As much as they’d like to, they cannot live your life and it is unfair of them to expect you to live what would amount to an alternative life for them. Gently remind them that they had their chance, and now it is yours. (Do be kind because no parent likes to hear this.) 

Your next step after having stepped outside the square, crossed over the line, and announced your intentions, is to just go do it.  Don’t think about it or allow yourself to be overcome by the intricacies of your plan… just do it… baby steps… one step at a time. Don’t wait for or expect permission or approval from the nay-sayers in your life… give yourself permission to do what you know is right for you.  

And breathe!  If you are doing what you believe you were meant to do, that which you love to do, then you will never do a day’s “work” in your life.  You will be spending your days immersed in your favorite ‘hobby’ and getting paid for it.  If your goal involves a lot of hard work and some long hours, it still won’t feel like hard work.  You will feel energized and bounce out of bed each day eager to start anew.   

THAT is what it feels like when you are following the beat of your own drum, and don’t worry about how your beat sounds… different is good.